Duh...how i plan to get beaten up by people in love!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here we are again....back to that nonsensical yet unputdownable (anyone opposed to self-flattery can go to hell) musings of a young college-going guy (now, here is where i point out the obvious "are college goers any older?? in INDIA".. anyway,time we gave some leeway for "dramatic license", which no doubt has screwed up many a movie adapted from a book).. so, i can hear some of you guys saying "what now??"... "Not one more ode to the legacy of writers (real writers need not bother to imply the implications of this line from my writings) who undoubtedly use five or rather ten words where one would suffice" ..well friends what i would like to point out is that "THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY".. i can blabber as much as i want and hey i am typing so all you tree-huggers can stop bemoaning the loss of valuable paper... so there, that gives me the freedom to muse as much as my king-size (ha ha ha.. you read that right!!!!) brain would let me...
Now that i have decided to pour (err.."type" would be more precise) my heart out and acquired you unwittingly (here, people unwitty by nature may substitute "naturally") as my reader, i shall start...what i would be troubling my grey cells for the following lines would be something thats in the air before matrimony and in the gutter afterwards...ya thats right (even if your guess wasn't.. never bother) its "love"..."love", that multi-million dollar movie maker.."love",that unceasing heart-breaker.."love", cursed be the maker (i know that sounds corny, but hey!!its gotta rhyme wise guy!!)...funny thing,"love" seems to be so fluid a concept (that is, if fluidity could be an acceptable feature of a concept)..so what i mean (ya.. median and mode too for all those PJ kings out there) is,if you look at love in an objective manner (that would be without the cupid's arrow up your rear end), you would find it to be a matter of convenience for certain(for the record, there is to be an emphasis on this word) people of this genre (ok.. i kinda sound old here, but no problem, wisdom need not always come with age and arthiritis)...that is, love for some is just touch and go (and much more than just "touch" for certain lucky lechers!!!)...
Gone are the days of undying love, of romeo and juliet...lets wake up...love has become more human, its mortal now...but hey!! in certain instances, there is a semblance to immoratility ("semblance" coz hey "nothing lasts forever" as is often repeated whenever you get some peace)....but love in itself and in the sayings of a million moonstruck poets (on certain days, me being a member of this populous group) is confusing...they say "love is blind",so i say "does that make the visually challenged, romantically unchallanged??????" (a point my hidebound critics are bound to concede)...
Well,there is a problem today with people (even with me, as many would gladly say.... but hey!! even gods aren't perfect), they can never get the difference between love and its dubious cousin, twice-removed, "infatuation"...there are (regrettably, many so) who don't know that love doesn't exactly mean sending a hundred messages a day to justify the one rupee your cell-service provider deducts daily....it doesn't mean cheesy forwards and "rip my heart and there you are" kinda suicidal crap.. it means more than that, much more than the word "much" could ever encompass...
But, never worry, infatuation, if you can identify it, is a fun way to pass your time...for one, you at least get to while away your time in rosy dreamlands besides convincing yourselves that he/she is the maker's customised manufacture piece for you (if it doesn't work out that well, you are free to use my oft-repeated maxim about even gods making mistakes)....
At the risk of being cynical as hell (as say, Mr.Scrooge on a christmas morning), let me attempt to look at your so-called "love" symptoms in a logical way... first, your heart skips a beat; never fret, thats an air-bubble in your blood, so get a cardio (or a lawyer for your will,speaking pessimistically)..then, you can't sleep in the night; thats probably coz you never eat anything healthy other than a baked disc of god-knows-what flour,topped with some seriously dubious-looking cheese and half a dozen week-old vegetables that are frosted and defrosted so many times that they themselves can't decide if they are fresh or not!!..... finally, there are butterflies in your stomach whenever you see him/her (err... may i ask when was the last time you slept on the garden with your mouth open??)....any other symptoms other than the afore mentioned are to be considered mutant versions of the above...
Now,vilified as i undoubtedly am, in the hearts of my love-struck readers, there is just one thing left to say.... "love" is not a passing cloud,its the perennial sky....its not just a river of joy, but also a rivulet of sorrow...penultimately,its not only about sending messages but also about sharing hearts (besides your money,home and soon-to-cease-being-happy life(ha ha ha))...and so now its time to give all you moonstruck mush-cows, ruminating on memories of your beloved, a melancholy goodbye.......Adios....

naah!!!!!!who gives a damn?

It was a rainy day.i was on the upper bunk of my bunker bed,counting just how many inches thick that coating of grime on the fan was..

well i could hear the muttered prayers of my roommate below (hey! i mean the lower bunk),praying for the bedscrews to hold,for his sake...

lost in thought as usual (a relentless user of those grey cells i am..), i looked outside...outside it was showdown.. seems the god had decided to let it all out... a conscious user of the language would have termed it as "raining cats and dogs",except for the fact that,there he didn't mean those animals which us humans lavish with the luxuries for which many unfortunate fellow beings would give their eyeteeth... and so much for those stupid "cats and dogs",hey those are droplets of water people...figure of speech my a#*!!!!

ok back to me,being of the melancholy type i remembered those good moments,those bad moments,family,love blah blah blah...you know the usual crap all college-going boys like me spend time thinking on, instead of on the so called "enlightening quest" for knowledge....meanwhile, my roommate slept off,curling under his blanket as if the devil himself was after him (hey! he looks like a foetus when he is curled up like that..disgusting. a 23 year old foetus is no longer a foetus, its a tumour)...

Finally i decided that it was time for those (poor) bedscrews to be free of the crushing burden of my big fat a#*(ahh! weight-loss that distant oasis in the desert of obesity)...The thump with which my return to terra-firma was accomplished prompted my mate to pay out a particularly rude expletive, which some warrior of the past had invented,thinking of who-knows-what pain..

Sunday afternoon,as it was, i was free as are our nations leaders at present..no probably i am wrong coz even they would be busy stashing away money in some ultra-secretive swiss bank or a bank on that heaven-of-the-embezzler Cayman islands...well then i settled on the only god-forsaken chair,cursing it for not serving its purpose,due to a particularly creative idea of some screwed up engineer somewhere who placed that all-important obsession for modernity over any sane idea of comfort...

I looked outside the window and saw a sheet of water (you know, the one you see when you have a waterfall over your head).. god,now i have to go to college wearing my blue jeans all brown with slush and pretend that its the new style on the block.. amazing how acting fashion-savvy helps you out in such tight situations..makes it easy to wear a rat/moth eaten jeans or a torn skirt for all you gals out there, and still get to pretend to be this hyper-cool guy/gal (while in fact you are praying that at least your undergarments are clean,coz they show)...Well the fact that all that slush would only make my poor jeans happy coz they can then expect to go near that most elusive and rare places (for them i mean),THE WASHING MACHINE,that heaven of detergent and water ,which they get to visit in about an era.(hey what are jeans for???)..

Slush apart, rainy days were good...think of those cozy nights (and most of the morning for me),curled up on that warm bed (alas! alone...) with a warm blanket over you...what can a poor, lazy boy do on a sunday?? so back to the bed it was,soundless though,as my poor heart couldn't bear an encore of that unparlimentary word from my mate.. as for him he was fast asleep,much like a roadside hag after drinking cheap booze he got at two pence a pint (oh shit!! now i gotta hide this)...

finally i got on the bed (now THAT is a herculean task if ever there was one)....Any bum would and should know that an idle mind is a devil's workshop...well, my workshop had just rolled-up its shutters...an interesting thing about boys is that, even when they get a picosecond of free time,their highly efficient (forgive the self-flattery) brains,tune into the most obvious haven to which all roads from the average college-going boy's head go,GIRLS....

I,by luck or fate,was an exception to this universal school of thought ( if..there is such a massive school somewhere)... hey,i am straight,so no shiv sena..but you know,once in a while there comes this really-great (this thing is getting to my head) exception to a widely-followed rule.I was one of those exceptions (he he)..Girls, bah humbug, i used to say (for which there would invariantly be swift retribution from my love-struck friends).."whats wrong???",i would argue,after all i've known many more crazy ideas (read "out-of-the-box")...

Well,i thought,girls have this huge potential of being an unerring pain in the a#*,that boys somehow tend to acquire as they battle on through life...well in context to certain girls i've heard of i can say that at least leeches were used in ancient medicines? coz they both seem to work on the same principle (now this is what i call "selective chauvinism").Its high time that girls understand that boys are diamonds...cool,efficient,practical,stylish..ahh! but a pity of nature,diamonds are brittle (and here is where girls come in :-P)..

Bless the guy who told that"diamonds are a girls best friend"..(probably he works for De Beers)... at this point of time an analogy hit the grey region (some people might be amazed to know that i have one) ,"its not just the shackles (girlfriends) that the average boy is scared of, we know that there has to be a guillitone (Marriage)"...But did god give us any other options?.....

No,no,no don't get me wrong..i am not the stupid girl-bashing guy that most of you have imagined me as.... my theory applies only to certain members of " The fairer sex"...Well,some of you might be happy (you better not be!!) that its time to wind up this ode to the oppression of the innocents.(the grey cells are crying for mercy you know)..Time to tell a tearful..ha ha ha..got you there eh??ciao for now...